What it Takes to Come Alive
by gleekypotterr
Summary: Kurt's been keeping a secret, Burt finds out, Blaine may be the only one who can save him. Warnings: mentions of drug use/depression/suicide.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This idea hit me a couple weeks ago after seeing some posts on tumblr, so I just decided to run with it. I have no idea how often I'm going to be updating because college life is CRAZY, but hopefully it'll be at least once a week. Also, the other parts will be longer than this, as this is just the prologue. R&R please!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned anything, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction.**

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><p>Burt generally considered himself to be a pretty lenient parent. He didn't try to control Kurt's life. It wasn't that he didn't care, it's just that he didn't want Kurt to feel stifled. Kurt was stifled enough as it was, what with bullies and teachers that didn't seem to give a shit about him, and Burt didn't want to be categorized in any way with those types of people.<p>

But there were some times in his life when certain things happened, and he suddenly felt like he should have been trying to have a closer relationship with Kurt.

Like when he found the bottle of pills in Kurt's dresser.

Burt hadn't been snooping around, no. He had simply been looking for one of his shirts that had gone missing, thinking maybe it got mixed up in Kurt's laundry. This was, in retrospect, a stupid thought, considering Kurt went through his wardrobe daily and would have immediately noticed the addition of one of his dad's "ugly" plaid shirts, but Burt wasn't really thinking when he decided to look.

He didn't find the shirt, obviously.

Instead, he found a bottle of Vicodin.

Now, he knew why Kurt had the Vicodin in the first place. He had gotten his wisdom teeth taken out over the summer, and Vidodin had been the only thing that had worked to relieve his pain. However, Burt told Kurt he should probably flush the Vicodin when he was done with it, just to make sure it didn't get mixed up with something else. Kurt agreed and said he would do it as soon as the pain stopped bothering him. Burt never bothered checking because, well, he didn't really think he needed to. He trusted Kurt, he didn't see a reason why Kurt would keep the Vicodin unless –

Oh god.

He really needed to have a talk with his boy.

As Burt picked up the bottle of Vicodin, trying to decide whether to flush it right then and there or present it to Kurt and demand him to explain, he noticed something else hidden among the meticulously folded clothes in the drawer.

A notebook.

Trying to tell himself it was probably just one of Kurt's notebooks from school that had gotten mixed up in his clothes somehow (yeah, right, because Kurt would let _that _happen…), Burt gently removed the notebook from the dresser and opened it before he lost his resolve.

What he saw inside the notebook obviously wasn't schoolwork.

Burt didn't read everything written inside. He wasn't the prying type, he knew Kurt needed privacy just as much as any other teenage boy, and he didn't really want all the details of his son's life that he didn't feel were appropriate to share with his father. But as he flipped through the page, he saw things - words and phrases - that jumped out.

"…_Sometimes I feel like if I wasn't here, no one would even notice me…"_

"…_If it wasn't for Glee Club, I probably wouldn't even be here..."_

"…_I wish I had someone outside my family and Glee Club that I knew would care…"_

"…_I just want someone else to notice…"_

Burt swallowed and took a deep breath, not allowing himself to lose control of his emotions. He knew it was normal for teenagers to feel like no one cared, like no one was listening, but he also know that Kurt wasn't a normal teenager. He had to deal with so much more bullying than anyone else at his school, and he had seemed sort of… down, lately. Burt hadn't been too worried about it, he knew his boy was strong, but this journal… these pills…

He just knew he needed to make sure everything was okay.


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Sorry it took kind of long to update, Thanksgiving break was SUPER busy. And I'm hoping to get two more chapters up before finals week, but who knows... oh, college. R&R, please!**

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><p>When Kurt got home from school later that day, the last thing he expected was for Burt to be waiting at the door with an extremely serious look on his face. His dad was usually in the shop working until dinnertime, and sometimes even later than that.<p>

"Dad, is something wrong?" Kurt asked worriedly, memories of his dad's heart attack rushing back, hoping nothing drastic had happened in the family.

Burt cleared his throat and replied, "Come into the kitchen, Kurt, I just need to talk to you about something."

Kurt was confused, to say the least. He couldn't remember the last time his dad had wanted to talk to him about something serious… it wasn't that he had a bad relationship with Burt, it's just that Burt generally liked to stay out of Kurt's way. It was a system that worked well for the both of them, and Kurt honestly had no idea what could have happened in order to spark a serious conversation.

Until he saw the bottle of pills sitting on the kitchen table.

"Care to explain, Kurt?" Burt asked, picking up the bottle of Vicodin and presenting it to Kurt.

Kurt carefully put on a confused expression and asked, "What do you mean, explain? Those are the pills left over from getting my wisdom teeth out, dad, you know that."

Burt stared at Kurt for a moment before slowly replying, "Then why were they hidden in the dresser with your clothes?"

"Dad!" Kurt screeched, "I think the real question here is, why were you going through my clothes drawer? You know everything in there is meticulously organized!"

"You're not answering the question, Kurt."

"There's no question to be answered, dad, it's just left over from when I got my wisdom teeth out. I don't know how it ended up in the drawer, okay, it probably fell off my dresser at some point and I didn't notice."

Kurt knew that was a crap response, but apparently it was good enough to make Burt drop the issue.

"Fine, son, I believe you. But Kurt… you know you can talk to me about anything, right? I know I'm no replacement for a mother when it comes to talking about feelings, but - "

"Dad," Kurt interjected as he enveloped his father in a huge hug, "don't say that. I'm fine. And I know I can talk to you. I don't need a mother for that."

"Yeah, well, I just worry about you."

"Don't," Kurt pleaded, "I swear, I'm fine."

Kurt saw a flicker of skepticism pass on Burt's face, but his dad didn't press any further. Kurt gave his dad one more hug and quickly walked up to his room, the events of the past few minutes repeating in his mind like a broken record.

The truth was, Kurt had been pretty depressed lately. It wasn't easy being the only out gay kid at McKinley, and being a part of Glee club didn't exactly make his rep any better. Getting shoved into lockers, being slushied, being called every single insult in the book and then some… it took a toll on Kurt, no matter how strong he tried to be or how much he told himself to not let anything get to him. He knew he was better than the bullies, he knew he shouldn't take anything they said seriously, but it was hard hearing the same things over and over again without starting to believe them, even a tiny bit.

"_Fags like you don't deserve to live."_

"_Why don't you just go kill yourself, Hummel."_

"_You're worthless."_

Hearing those things over and over again weren't good for anyone. And they definitely weren't good for Kurt.

Not that he would ever tell his dad about any of this. Burt had enough to worry about, what with his heart problems, and Kurt didn't want him worrying about some stupid high school bullies on top of all that.

So he kept his mouth shut.

He wrote in his journal, the only emotional outlet he really had.

And he kept the pills, just in case.

It wasn't that he wanted to commit suicide. He didn't even think about it that much, to be honest. He just felt… safer, somehow, knowing that there was a way out if things ever got really, terribly unbearable.

Most days, Glee club kept him sane. Those people accepted him more than anyone else in the school, and Glee club was the one place where he had anything close to a solid group of friends. They weren't really the best friends in the world, seeing as none of them seemed to notice the hell that Kurt was going through, but they were something. He could at least be himself around these people without fear of much judgment, and singing was the best feeling in the world.

Most days, Glee club gave him a reason to get up in the morning.

But on his more depressed days, the days when he had one too many insults thrown at him and lost yet another solo to Rachel in Glee club, those were the days when he said to himself, "these people are only there for me because they have to be." He could honestly rationalize that point to himself. Some of the Glee club were popular, but people like Kurt, Mercedes, Tina, Artie… they had to stick together to a certain extent, or they'd be ripped to shreds by the insults and slushies thrown at them on a daily basis. Would any of these people be his friends if he wasn't in Glee club? He was thankful for their friendships, yes, but still. It hurt to think that they were only friends with him because circumstances called for it. And on days when Kurt was down, it was easy to believe this fact.

At the end of the day, Kurt just wanted someone who genuinely cared.

Someone who wasn't related to him.

Someone who wasn't forced into friendship with him.

Someone who he could talk to about things that only his journal knew about.

At the end of day, Kurt Hummel just wanted someone to truly love him.


End file.
